Micro-listening
And I or and me: how to choose
Should you say 'and I' or 'and me'?
'And I' is correct when you and another person are the subject; 'and me' is correct when the pair is an object or follows a preposition. Use 'myself' only reflexively or for emphasis. For example, 'The organiser thanked Olivia and me,' but 'Olivia and I arranged the meeting.'
Key points
- Use 'and I' when the pair performs the action.
- Use 'and me' when the pair receives an action.
- Prepositions such as 'with' and 'for' take 'me'.
- Use 'myself' only reflexively or for emphasis.
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At a glance
| Form | Use it for | Example |
|---|---|---|
| name and I | Subject performing the action | Nadia and I checked the figures. |
| name and me | Object receiving the action | The client called Nadia and me. |
| name and me | Following a preposition | The message was for Nadia and me. |
| myself | Reflexive or emphatic pronoun | I reminded myself to reply. |
The full explanation
I functions as a subject pronoun, indicating the person who carries out an action. Me serves as an object pronoun, marking the receiver of an action or following words like with, to, and for. Myself is a reflexive and intensive pronoun that refers back directly to I.
Lucas and I organized the community workshop last weekend.
Why it works: Lucas and I are the actors completing the verb organized, so the subject pronoun I is required.
3 more examples
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The department head sent copies of the schedule to Priya and me.
Priya and me follows the preposition to, requiring the object pronoun me.
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I bought myself a warm jacket before moving to Chicago.
I and myself represent the same person, making myself the reflexive object of bought.
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Maya and I reminded ourselves to check the door locks before leaving.
The plural subject Maya and I requires the plural reflexive pronoun ourselves.
Read the full guide
Try the listening exercise
Identify the role of the pair
Before choosing between I and me, determine what the entire phrase is doing in the sentence. Treat the other person and yourself as a single grammatical unit. When this unit performs an action, it functions as the subject. When this unit receives an action from someone else, it functions as an object. Identifying this job immediately narrows your choice.
-
David and I submitted the quarterly report this morning.
Why it works: David and I performed the action of submitting, making the pair the subject.
Your turn
In the sentence 'The director invited Carlos and ___ to the panel,' what role does the missing pronoun play?
Answer: It acts as part of the object receiving the invitation.
Show the answer
Answer: It acts as part of the object receiving the invitation.
The director is the subject doing the inviting, so Carlos and the pronoun receive the action as the direct object.
Choose I when the pair acts
Use the subject pronoun I when you and another person carry out an action together. In standard English, the other person's name appears first as a polite convention, followed by and I. This rule applies to both action verbs and linking verbs that describe a condition or state. Keeping I in the subject position ensures grammatical agreement.
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Sarah and I reviewed every budget line before the presentation.
Why it works: Sarah and I are the people doing the reviewing, which requires the subject form.
You can practise this again in Choose she and I or her and me and Joe and I or Joe and Me: Choose the Right Pair.
Your turn
Which sentence uses the correct pronoun in the subject position?
Answer: Mateo and I inspected the new office equipment.
Show the answer
Answer: Mateo and I inspected the new office equipment.
Mateo and I perform the action of inspecting, so the subject pronoun I is required.
Choose me when the pair receives an action
When another person or an outside force acts upon you and someone else, use the object pronoun me. English verbs require objective pronouns when the pronoun serves as a direct or indirect object. Adding another person's name does not transform an object into a subject. Listen for the action flowing toward the pair rather than originating from it.
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The supervisor praised Julian and me for finishing early.
Why it works: The supervisor did the praising, so Julian and me receive the praise as objects.
Your turn
Select the sentence where the object pronoun is used correctly.
Answer: The company hired Clara and me last winter.
Show the answer
Answer: The company hired Clara and me last winter.
The company is the subject that hired the workers, so Clara and me is the direct object.
Use me following prepositions
Prepositions such as between, to, for, with, and beside always require object pronouns. Even when speakers want to sound polite, writing between you and I is a grammatical error. The phrase requires between you and me because both pronouns function as objects of the preposition. Remembering this pattern prevents overcorrecting in business letters and email messages.
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Please keep this confidential agreement between Anita and me.
Why it works: Between is a preposition, so the object pronoun me must follow it.
Your turn
Complete the sentence correctly: 'The package arrived with instructions for Liam and ___.'
Answer: me
Show the answer
Answer: me
The word for is a preposition, which requires the object pronoun me.
Test the sentence by dropping the name
You can quickly verify your pronoun choice by temporarily dropping the other person from the phrase. Read the sentence with only the pronoun remaining. If the single pronoun requires I, keep I when the name is included. If the sentence demands me, keep me. This simple test strips away distraction and reveals the true role of the word.
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The technician assisted Rachel and me with the network setup.
Why it works: Removing Rachel leaves 'The technician assisted me,' confirming that me is correct.
Your turn
How does the removal test help choose between 'Sora and I' or 'Sora and me' in 'The manager emailed Sora and ___'?
Answer: It reveals that 'The manager emailed me' is correct.
Show the answer
Answer: It reveals that 'The manager emailed me' is correct.
Dropping the name leaves 'The manager emailed me', showing that me is the necessary object form.
Reserve myself for reflexive actions
Use myself only when the subject and the object of the clause are identical. In these sentences, the person initiating the action and the person experiencing the action are the same individual. Without I already acting as the subject of that specific clause, myself has no grammatical anchor. Using it without an earlier I creates an incomplete reference.
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I taught myself basic web design during the summer break.
Why it works: I is the subject and myself is the object of the verb taught, reflecting back to the same person.
Your turn
Which sentence correctly applies myself in a reflexive structure?
Answer: I prepared myself thoroughly for the morning evaluation.
Show the answer
Answer: I prepared myself thoroughly for the morning evaluation.
The subject I performs the action of preparing on the same person, represented by myself.
Use myself to add personal emphasis
Myself can also function as an intensive pronoun to emphasize personal involvement. In this role, the pronoun highlights that you completed the action personally rather than delegating it to an assistant. Notice that removing the word myself still leaves a grammatically complete sentence. Do not employ myself in place of me merely because me feels informal.
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I myself spoke to the property owner about the repair timeline.
Why it works: Myself emphasizes the subject I, stressing personal participation without replacing an object.
Your turn
Why is myself acceptable in 'I myself verified the account balance'?
Answer: It provides emphasis directly following the subject pronoun I.
Show the answer
Answer: It provides emphasis directly following the subject pronoun I.
Here myself is an intensive pronoun highlighting personal responsibility, and removing it leaves a complete sentence.
Pair a compound subject with ourselves
When a sentence features a compound subject such as Hannah and I, the subject contains two individuals. If both individuals perform an action that affects both of them, the reflexive pronoun must be plural. Use ourselves rather than myself in these situations. Myself only reflects a singular subject, whereas ourselves matches the plural nature of the pair.
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Hannah and I gave ourselves two hours to finish the draft.
Why it works: Hannah and I represents a plural subject, so the matching reflexive form is ourselves.
Your turn
Choose the correct pronoun to complete: 'Kevin and I found ___ locked out of the conference room.'
Answer: ourselves
Show the answer
Answer: ourselves
Kevin and I forms a plural subject equivalent to we, requiring the plural reflexive pronoun ourselves.
Common mistakes
What learners often say, what to say instead, and why.
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Not this:
The director invited Carlos and I.Say: The director invited Carlos and me.
The director does the inviting, so 'Carlos and me' is the direct object receiving it.
-
Not this:
Me and Priya prepared the presentation.Say: Priya and I prepared the presentation.
The pair performs the action, so use subject pronoun 'I'; place the other person's name first.
-
Not this:
Please send the details to James and myself.Say: Please send the details to James and me.
'To' is a preposition, and 'myself' cannot replace the object pronoun 'me'.
Before you go
Remember this
Identify whether the phrase acts as the subject or the object. Pair names with I for subjects and with me for objects and after prepositions. Use myself only when you are both the subject and the object or when providing personal emphasis. When referring back to a plural subject containing yourself and another person, use ourselves.
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Listening 1 of 4
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Sandra and I arrived early for our morning interview.
Sandra and I is the subject performing the action arrived, so the subject pronoun I is correct.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listening 2 of 4
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Read the transcript
Our manager phoned Clara and me about an urgent order.
Clara and me receives the phone call from the manager, requiring the object pronoun me.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The final t or d is barely said before the next consonant.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The final t or d is barely said before the next consonant.
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Listening 3 of 4
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Read the transcript
Elena and I organized each workshop session on our campus, while our supervisor provided Clara and me extra materials whenever an issue arose.
Elena and I is the subject of organized, whereas Clara and me functions as the object receiving extra materials.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
This clip is longer. Follow the instruction above the answer field.
Listening 4 of 4
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Devon and I agreed on a renovation schedule early in April, so we swept our back office without outside help. Our building manager thanked Devon and me openly after our team finished painting, and I reminded myself every evening that patience brings excellent results on long projects.
Devon and I is the subject of agreed, Devon and me is the object of thanked, and myself reflects back to the subject I.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
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Describe a recent joint project where you and a partner divided tasks, received feedback from a supervisor, and managed your own progress.
Use: and I or and me: how to choose
You could start with “My coworker and I decided to divide our weekly assignments…”
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Sandra and I arrived early for our morning interview.
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- I used “and I or and me: how to choose”.
- It is about my life, not the lesson’s example.
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Questions about "And I or and me: how to choose"
Why do people say 'between you and I' if it is considered incorrect?
Many native English speakers were corrected as children when saying things like 'Me and John went home.' Because of that correction, some people mistakenly assume that 'and I' is always more polite and formal than 'and me.' This leads to hypercorrection, especially after prepositions such as between, where the object form me is grammatically necessary.
Between you and me, the new office layout creates too much noise.
The manager divided the work between Marcus and me.
Is it grammatically incorrect to put 'I' or 'me' before the other person's name?
Placing your own pronoun after the other person's name, as in 'Rachel and I' or 'Rachel and me,' is a standard social convention in English rather than a strict rule of grammar. However, failing to follow this order often sounds abrupt or self-centered to listeners. Placing the other person first is recommended in all professional communication.
Sam and I will attend the training.
The director congratulated Sam and me.
Can I write 'Please contact John or myself' in a business email?
You should avoid writing 'contact John or myself.' In that sentence, the verb contact requires an object pronoun because someone else is performing the action of contacting. Because there is no 'I' in the sentence to anchor the reflexive pronoun, the correct and natural phrase is 'contact John or me.'
Please contact John or me if your login fails.
You can email either the department assistant or me.
What pronoun should follow 'It is' or 'It was'?
In traditional formal grammar, linking verbs take subject pronouns, resulting in sentences like 'It was I who answered the phone.' However, in modern spoken English and everyday writing, 'It was me' is universally understood and accepted. For compound phrases, standard writing usually avoids the awkwardness entirely by rewording the sentence.
It was me at the reception desk.
David and I were the ones who answered the call.
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