Micro-listening
Choose she and I or her and me
When should I use she and I or her and me?
Use 'she and I' when the pair is the subject, and 'her and me' when the pair is an object or follows a preposition. For example, 'She and I packed the boxes.' After 'with', 'for', or 'to', choose 'her and me'. I is not more polite than me.
Key points
- 'She and I' do the action or are described.
- 'Her and me' receive an action from someone.
- Use 'her and me' after prepositions such as 'for'.
- Test each pronoun separately when the pair sounds confusing.
Try what you have learned
Listen to a recording, type what you hear, and check your answer.
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At a glance
| Form | Use it for | Example |
|---|---|---|
| she and I | Subject: the pair does or is something | She and I planned the route. |
| her and me | Object: the pair receives an action | The guide thanked her and me. |
| her and me after a preposition | Follows with, for, to, or between | There is room for her and me. |
The full explanation
She and I names two people as the subject: the people doing an action or being described. Her and me names them as the object of a verb or after words such as to, with, and for. And joins the people; it does not decide which pronouns you need.
She and I brought fresh bread to the class.
Why it works: The pair brought the bread, so both pronouns use subject forms.
2 more examples
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The cook showed her and me a safer way to cut onions.
The cook showed something to the pair, so both pronouns use object forms.
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There are two clean aprons for her and me.
For introduces the pair and requires object forms.
Read the full guide
Try the listening exercise
Choose she and I for the people doing the action
Imagine that you and Nina arrive early for a cooking class. You carry the vegetables together. When Nina is already known to your listener, you can replace her name with she. The pair doing the carrying is she and I. This pair is called the subject. Start by finding the action and asking who does it. Both words must fit that job.
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She and I carried the vegetables inside.
Why it works: Both people carried something, so use she and I.
Your turn
Which sentence uses standard subject forms?
Answer: She and I washed the carrots.
Show the answer
Answer: She and I washed the carrots.
The pair does the washing, so both pronouns need subject forms.
Choose her and me when someone helps the pair
Now the teacher helps you and Nina. The teacher does the helping, while the pair receives that help. This makes the pair the object of the verb. Choose her and me here. Compare who does the action in each sentence, rather than choosing a phrase because it sounds more formal. I is useful for a subject, but it is not a more polite version of me.
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The teacher helped her and me with the recipe.
Why it works: The teacher helps; the pair receives the help.
You can practise this again in Joe and I or Joe and Me: Choose the Right Pair and And I or and me: how to choose.
Your turn
Complete the sentence: The assistant welcomed ___.
Answer: her and me
Show the answer
Answer: her and me
The assistant welcomes the pair, so her and me is the object.
Use object forms after with, for, and between
Small words can make the choice clear. Words such as with, for, to, and between are prepositions: they connect a person or thing to another part of the sentence. When the pair follows one of these words, choose her and me. The pair might be active in the real situation, but the grammar still follows the preposition. In someone cooking with her and me, with controls the choice.
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The teacher divided the remaining flour between her and me.
Why it works: Between requires object forms for both people.
Your turn
Complete the sentence: Please leave two towels for ___.
Answer: her and me
Show the answer
Answer: her and me
For is a preposition, so both people need object forms.
Test one person at a time
If a pair sounds confusing, temporarily remove one person. For "The teacher called Nina and me," test "The teacher called me." Then test the other person with a pronoun: "The teacher called her." Both checks point to object forms. Put the pair back afterward. A name such as Nina stays the same in either job, so it can hide a mistake in the pronoun beside it.
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The teacher asked Nina and me to wait.
Why it works: The shorter sentence "The teacher asked me to wait" confirms me.
Your turn
Which shorter sentence helps check 'The driver saw Nina and me'?
Answer: The driver saw me.
Show the answer
Answer: The driver saw me.
Remove Nina without changing who sees whom; me keeps its object role.
Keep subject forms when describing two people
Some sentences describe people instead of showing a clear action. In "She and I are hungry," the pair is still the subject. Are connects the people to their description. Use she and I with descriptions such as ready, tired, or available. Because the pair means two people, use are rather than am or is. During a one-person check, adjust the verb too: "I am hungry" and "She is hungry."
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She and I are ready for a break.
Why it works: The sentence describes the pair, which remains the subject.
Your turn
Which sentence correctly describes the pair?
Answer: She and I are tired.
Show the answer
Answer: She and I are tired.
Use subject pronouns and are because the subject names two people.
Listen through a quiet and
In a spoken instruction, and may be very short and sound like "un." Its final d may be difficult to hear. Listen for the pronouns on either side, then check the whole message. In "She and I need plates," I comes before need. In "Bring plates to her and me," to introduces the object pair. Use grammar to check what you heard, while keeping the actual spoken words in your dictation.
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Please bring a spoon for her and me.
Why it works: Listen for for before the pair; write and even when it sounds weak.
Your turn
You hear a quiet sound like 'un' between her and me. Which word is it?
Answer: and
Show the answer
Answer: and
And connects the two pronouns and often has a weak vowel in speech.
Check both pronouns before sending a message
In a written message, first make sure the reader knows who she or her refers to. Name the person before using a pronoun if necessary. Then check each pair separately, especially when its role changes between sentences. Avoid changing every me to I during editing. Also check both halves of a mixed pair such as she and me. The correct repair depends on the pair's job in that particular sentence.
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Nina is my cooking partner, and the office has certificates for her and me.
Why it works: Nina identifies her; for requires her and me.
Your turn
Choose the standard wording for a message to the course office.
Answer: Please email her and me the recipe.
Show the answer
Answer: Please email her and me the recipe.
The pair receives the email, so both pronouns need object forms.
Common mistakes
What learners often say, what to say instead, and why.
-
Not this:
Her and me organised the display.Say: She and I organised the display.
The pair does the organising, so both pronouns must be subject forms.
-
Not this:
The manager called she and I.Say: The manager called her and me.
The pair receives the action of 'called', so object forms are needed.
-
Not this:
This parcel is for she and I.Say: This parcel is for her and me.
The preposition 'for' requires object forms.
-
Not this:
She and me are ready to leave.Say: She and I are ready to leave.
The pair is being described as the subject, so use 'she and I'.
Before you go
Remember this
Choose both pronouns for the job of the whole pair. She and I works as the subject; her and me works as an object. If you are unsure, test each person separately, then rebuild the complete sentence.
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She and I need two more bowls.
She and I is the subject of need. Write and even if its sound is short and quiet.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- A small word like this is said quickly and softly, not as written.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The final t or d is barely said before the next consonant.
- A small word like this is said quickly and softly, not as written.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listening 2 of 4
Listen, then type what you hear. Replay as often as you need.
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Read the transcript
Could you save seats for her and me?
For introduces the pair, so her and me is correct. Could you makes this a polite request.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The final t or d is barely said before the next consonant.
- A small word like this is said quickly and softly, not as written.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The final t or d is barely said before the next consonant.
Try a longer clip. Listen once, then replay the part you missed.
Listening 3 of 4
Listen, then type what you hear. Replay as often as you need.
0:00
Read the transcript
Nina is already in the kitchen. She and I will share a table, so please leave two clean aprons for her and me.
Nina identifies the person called she and her. The pair is the subject of will share and the object after for.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
This clip is longer. Follow the instruction above the answer field.
Listening 4 of 4
Listen, then type the missing words. The rest of the text is already there.
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Read the transcript
Hi, it's Leah. Nina found the cooking room, and she and I have washed the vegetables. The teacher gave her and me a different job today: making the soup. We have everything except a large pot. The assistant is looking for one, so the lesson will start ten minutes late. We'll read the recipe while we wait.
She and I performs the preparation; her and me receives the job. The missing pot explains the delay, and the last sentence gives their waiting plan.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
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Say it your way
Speak for 20-30 seconds about setting up a lunch with a female friend. Name her, describe one job you do together, and say what another person brings for both of you.
Use: choose she and I or her and me
You could start with “My friend and I are preparing lunch, and…”
Think for ten seconds, then answer out loud for as long as the task above asks, without looking at the lesson. Nothing is sent unless you ask for feedback.
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Say it along with the speaker
She and I need two more bowls.
Play the line slowly, then speak at the same time as the speaker. Copy the rhythm, not just the words.
Write
Put it in your own words
- I used “choose she and I or her and me”.
- It is about my life, not the lesson’s example.
- I read it once aloud to check it sounds right.
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Questions about "Choose she and I or her and me"
Is I more polite than me?
No. I and me have different grammatical jobs, not different levels of politeness. Use I in a subject pair and me in an object pair. Putting the other person first is a common courtesy, but it does not make I correct after with or for.
She and I ordered tea.
The waiter brought tea for her and me.
Does the rule change when I use a name instead of she or her?
No. A name keeps the same form, but I or me still depends on the pair's job. Remove the name briefly to test the remaining pronoun, then put the name back into the complete sentence.
Paula and I checked the address.
The taxi driver waited for Paula and me.
Why do I sometimes hear she and me in conversation?
Casual speech varies, and some speakers use pronoun combinations that differ from standard edited English. For these exercises and careful writing, match both pronouns to the pair's role. Use she and I as the subject or her and me as the object.
She and I stayed until nine.
The host offered her and me a ride.
What happens when the pair comes after are in a question?
The pair can still be the subject. In a question such as "Are she and I late?", are comes first, but the question describes the pair. Do not choose object forms only because the pair follows a verb. Check its job in the sentence.
Are she and I on the same team?
She and I are on the same team.
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