Choose she and I or her and me

Imagine that you and Nina arrive early for a cooking class. You carry the vegetables together. When Nina is already known to your listener, you can replace her name with she. The pair doing the carrying is she and I. This pair is called the subject. Start by finding the action and asking who does it. Both words must fit that job.

Now the teacher helps you and Nina. The teacher does the helping, while the pair receives that help. This makes the pair the object of the verb. Choose her and me here. Compare who does the action in each sentence, rather than choosing a phrase because it sounds more formal. I is useful for a subject, but it is not a more polite version of me.

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Small words can make the choice clear. Words such as with, for, to, and between are prepositions: they connect a person or thing to another part of the sentence. When the pair follows one of these words, choose her and me. The pair might be active in the real situation, but the grammar still follows the preposition. In someone cooking with her and me, with controls the choice.

If a pair sounds confusing, temporarily remove one person. For "The teacher called Nina and me," test "The teacher called me." Then test the other person with a pronoun: "The teacher called her." Both checks point to object forms. Put the pair back afterward. A name such as Nina stays the same in either job, so it can hide a mistake in the pronoun beside it.

Some sentences describe people instead of showing a clear action. In "She and I are hungry," the pair is still the subject. Are connects the people to their description. Use she and I with descriptions such as ready, tired, or available. Because the pair means two people, use are rather than am or is. During a one-person check, adjust the verb too: "I am hungry" and "She is hungry."

In a spoken instruction, and may be very short and sound like "un." Its final d may be difficult to hear. Listen for the pronouns on either side, then check the whole message. In "She and I need plates," I comes before need. In "Bring plates to her and me," to introduces the object pair. Use grammar to check what you heard, while keeping the actual spoken words in your dictation.

In a written message, first make sure the reader knows who she or her refers to. Name the person before using a pronoun if necessary. Then check each pair separately, especially when its role changes between sentences. Avoid changing every me to I during editing. Also check both halves of a mixed pair such as she and me. The correct repair depends on the pair's job in that particular sentence.