Idiom
Torn between
What does 'torn between' mean?
'Torn between' means finding it difficult to choose because both possibilities matter to you. For example, 'He is torn between accepting the promotion and staying near his family.' Put a form of 'be' before 'torn', then use 'between' and 'and' to introduce the alternatives. 'Unsure' is broader and may simply mean lacking information.
Key points
- Use 'torn between' for a genuine conflict between valued choices.
- Put a form of 'be' before 'torn'.
- Use 'between' and 'and' to connect alternatives.
- Match noun phrases or use two '-ing' actions.
Can you use "Torn between" yourself?
This lesson has 5 stages. You can stop at any time and continue later.
Stage 1 of 5
Understand
What it means, when to use it, and mistakes to avoid.
The full explanation
To be torn between two possibilities means to find choosing very difficult because both have strong attractions or important consequences.
I am torn between joining the class and helping at the shelter.
Why it works: Two ing forms describe competing actions.
2 more examples
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She was torn between the quiet room and the cheaper room.
Two noun phrases identify the alternatives.
-
We are no longer torn between the dates because everyone is free on Sunday.
No longer shows that the difficulty has ended.
Read the full guide
Choose torn between when both options matter
You have a place in an evening course, but a friend needs help moving on the same evening. Missing class could slow your progress. Refusing your friend feels unkind. Torn between fits because you have a reason to choose each action. It describes your difficulty choosing, rather than the final decision. The reasons can be emotional, practical, or a mixture of both.
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I am torn between going to class and helping my friend move.
Why it works: The speaker feels pulled toward both actions.
Your turn
Which situation best fits torn between?
Answer: You value both choices and find deciding difficult.
Show the answer
Answer: You value both choices and find deciding difficult.
The expression needs competing possibilities that make choosing difficult.
Put be before torn and and between the choices
Build the expression in three parts: a person with a form of be, torn between, and two choices joined by and. Torn stays the same when the person changes. Say I am, she is, or they are. In ordinary conversation, I am often becomes I'm. Remember the whole pattern, because leaving out be or replacing and with or breaks this useful sentence structure.
-
They are torn between the morning course and the evening course.
Why it works: Are agrees with they; and connects the two choices.
This also comes up in Mixed conditionals and Hand in your notice.
Your turn
Which sentence uses the complete pattern?
Answer: I am torn between the two rooms.
Show the answer
Answer: I am torn between the two rooms.
Use am before torn and between before the competing options.
Give both choices the same form
After between, you can name two things or describe two actions. Keep the two sides balanced so the listener can follow the choice easily. For things, use nouns or noun phrases, such as the small desk and the large desk. For actions, use an ing form on each side. Avoid starting with buying and then switching to save after and.
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We are torn between buying a new desk and repairing the old one.
Why it works: Buying and repairing give both actions the same form.
Your turn
Which ending matches 'She is torn between walking home...'?
Answer: and taking the bus.
Show the answer
Answer: and taking the bus.
The pattern needs and, and taking matches the ing form walking.
Change be to show time
The form of be tells the listener when the difficult choice exists. Use am, is, or are for a current conflict, and was or were for a past one. A past conflict does not by itself tell us what the person finally chose. Add another sentence to report the decision. To show that a current conflict has ended, use not anymore or no longer.
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I was torn between the two courses, but I chose the shorter one.
Why it works: Was places the conflict in the past; chose reports its outcome.
Your turn
Which sentence clearly says the conflict has ended?
Answer: I am no longer torn between the courses.
Show the answer
Answer: I am no longer torn between the courses.
No longer says that the earlier difficulty choosing has stopped.
Choose unsure when you mainly need information
Unsure is a broader word. You might be unsure which bus to take because you have not checked the route. That is missing information, rather than a pull toward two valued choices. Torn between adds the idea of competing reasons. For a small choice, it can sound stronger than necessary, though friends may use it lightly when both options appeal to them.
-
I am unsure which bus stops near the pool.
Why it works: The speaker needs a fact to make the decision.
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I am torn between a quiet evening and a visit to my sister.
Why it works: Both ways of spending the evening appeal to the speaker.
Your turn
You only need to check a bus route. Which sentence is most precise?
Answer: I am unsure which bus to take.
Show the answer
Answer: I am unsure which bus to take.
Unsure fits a decision held up by missing route information.
Listen for where each choice begins
When listening, notice the words after between and after and. They show the two sides of the choice. The speaker may say I'm instead of I am, and and may sound less clear than the main action words. First catch the actions or things, then listen again for the small connecting words. Also listen for still, which tells you the person has not resolved the conflict.
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I'm still torn between staying home and meeting you after work.
Why it works: Still signals an unresolved choice; staying and meeting mark its two sides.
Your turn
What does still add to the example?
Answer: The speaker continues to find the choice difficult.
Show the answer
Answer: The speaker continues to find the choice difficult.
Still shows that the conflict continues at the time of speaking.
Follow the expression with a reason for each choice
In a message, torn between tells the reader that choosing is difficult, but it does not explain why. Add one short reason for each option, especially when asking for advice. This gives the reader something useful to respond to. For recall practice, cover your sentence and say the two choices aloud. Then rebuild it with the correct form of be, between, and and.
-
I am torn between the two apartments because one is cheaper and the other is closer to work.
Why it works: The reasons explain why neither option is an easy choice.
Your turn
What would make a request for advice more useful?
Answer: Explaining what attracts you to each option.
Show the answer
Answer: Explaining what attracts you to each option.
Reasons help the reader understand the conflict and offer relevant advice.
Common mistakes with "torn between"
What learners often say, what to say instead, and why.
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Not this:
I torn between the evening course and the weekend course.Say: I am torn between the evening course and the weekend course.
A form of 'be' must come before 'torn'.
-
Not this:
She is torn from the red dress and the blue dress.Say: She is torn between the red dress and the blue dress.
The fixed expression uses 'between', not 'from'.
-
Not this:
He is torn between studying and to work.Say: He is torn between studying and working.
Two actions after 'between' should use matching '-ing' forms.
-
Not this:
They are torn between the train or the coach.Say: They are torn between the train and the coach.
The taught pattern joins the two alternatives with 'and'.
Use it naturally
How people really use “be torn between”
Neutral Fine almost anywhere, at work or with friends.
Words it often goes with
- still torn betweenAfter thinking all afternoon, I am still torn between the two offers.
- torn between two optionsWe are torn between two options because both would help our team.
- torn between staying and leavingShe was torn between staying and leaving because she loved the town but missed her family.
What people also say
- “I am torn between the two.” instead of “I have difficulty making a selection between these two possibilities.”Use this when both choices matter to you.
Questions about "Torn between"
Does torn between mean the same as unsure?
No. Unsure can mean that you lack information or confidence. Torn between means that competing possibilities pull you in different directions. Choose it when you want to emphasize the conflict, especially when you have a strong reason for each option.
I am unsure when the shop closes.
I am torn between keeping my old bike and buying a lighter one.
Can I put an action after between?
Yes. Use an ing form for each action, and join the actions with and. For this pattern, avoid mixing an ing form with to plus a verb or a plain verb. Matching forms make the two choices easier to follow.
He is torn between studying tonight and visiting his brother.
Does was torn between tell us what someone chose?
No. Was torn between places the difficult choice in the past, but it does not identify the final decision. Add a clause or another sentence if the listener needs to know the result.
She was torn between the two bags.
She finally bought the larger bag.
Can I be torn between two desserts?
Yes, especially in relaxed conversation. The expression can playfully make a small choice sound serious. In a plain description, unsure may be enough. Tone and the reasons around the expression help the listener judge its strength.
I am torn between the apple pie and the chocolate cake.
Can I say I'm torn without naming the choices?
Yes, if the listener already knows which choices you mean. Without that context, name the alternatives with between so the listener can understand the conflict. I'm torn alone does not tell someone what you are deciding.
Both rooms would suit me, so I'm torn.
I am torn between the room upstairs and the one beside the kitchen.
Before you go
Remember this
Say who is torn, name the two possibilities, and explain why each matters. Before using the expression, check that there is a genuine choice and that both alternatives follow the same pattern.
Stage 2 of 5
Listen
Hear it in real sentences, from short to long, and write what you hear.
0 of 4 done
Listening 1 of 4
Listen, then type what you hear. Replay as often as you need.
0:00
- She was torn between the quiet room and the cheaper room.
- We are no longer torn between the dates because everyone is free on Sunday.
Read the transcript
I am torn between resting and joining the family meal.
Am torn between introduces two appealing actions, resting and joining. Write the full sentence, including and.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The final t or d is barely said before the next consonant.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The final t or d is barely said before the next consonant.
- In 'and joining,' listen for a quick 'n' sound for 'and' as the second choice begins.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The final t or d is barely said before the next consonant.
- In 'and joining,' listen for a quick 'n' sound for 'and' as the second choice begins.
Listening 2 of 4
Listen, then type what you hear. Replay as often as you need.
0:00
- She was torn between the quiet room and the cheaper room.
- We are no longer torn between the dates because everyone is free on Sunday.
Read the transcript
She was torn between the cheaper bag and the stronger one.
Was places the conflict in the past. One replaces bag at the end to avoid repeating the noun.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- In 'and the,' listen for 'an(d) the,' with the d barely sounded before 'the stronger one.'
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- In 'and the,' listen for 'an(d) the,' with the d barely sounded before 'the stronger one.'
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- In 'and the,' listen for 'an(d) the,' with the d barely sounded before 'the stronger one.'
Try a longer clip. Listen once, then replay the part you missed.
Listening 3 of 4
Listen, then type what you hear. Replay as often as you need.
0:00
- She was torn between the quiet room and the cheaper room.
- We are no longer torn between the dates because everyone is free on Sunday.
Read the transcript
We are torn between taking the morning class and studying in the evening. The morning teacher is great, but evening lessons fit our work hours.
Taking and studying match in form. The second sentence explains the practical conflict rather than reporting a final choice.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
This clip is longer. Follow the instruction above the answer field.
Listening 4 of 4
Listen, then type the missing words. The rest of the text is already there.
0:00
- She was torn between the quiet room and the cheaper room.
- We are no longer torn between the dates because everyone is free on Sunday.
Read the transcript
I am torn between visiting my sister this weekend and staying home to rest. I miss her, and we have not spent much time together lately. But work has been busy, and I need a quiet day. She said I could come next month instead. Perhaps I will go on Sunday and come back the same evening.
The speaker values family time and rest. Perhaps introduces a possible solution, so the final sentence does not confirm a decision.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
Listen for
At natural speed these words change shape. Tap one to hear it again.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
- The last sound of the first word runs straight into the next word.
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Save my progressStage 3 of 5
Speak
Say it with the speaker, then use it in your own answer.
Shadow
Say it along with the speaker
I am torn between resting and joining the family meal.
Play the line slowly, then speak at the same time as the speaker. Copy the rhythm, not just the words.
Your turn
Say it your way
Speak for 30 to 60 seconds from memory. Imagine you won two concert tickets. You must choose between taking your best friend and taking your cousin. Explain why each person matters to you and how you will decide.
Use: I am torn between
Think for ten seconds, then answer out loud for as long as the task above asks, without looking at the lesson. Nothing is sent unless you ask for feedback.
0:00
Hear how someone else might say it
I won two tickets to see my favorite band, and I am torn between taking my best friend and taking my cousin. My best friend introduced me to their music, so sharing the concert with her would be special. But my cousin is visiting from another city, and we rarely get to do anything together. I think I will ask my cousin how long he is staying before I decide. If he has another evening free, we could have dinner then, and I could take my friend to the concert.
Try once more and answer this: Which person would enjoy the music more?
Stage 4 of 5
Write
Write about your own day or week using it, then write a message.
Write
Put it in your own words
- I used “be torn between”.
- It is about my life, not the lesson’s example.
- I read it once aloud to check it sounds right.
Write your own response
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Check your own writing
Read one possible response
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