Reflexive Pronouns: Choose the Right Form

When you write or speak an English sentence, ask who performs the action and who receives it. If the subject and the object refer to two distinct people, use a standard object pronoun such as me, him, or them. However, when the person doing the action is identical to the person affected by that action, English requires a reflexive pronoun. Choosing between him and himself depends entirely on this relationship.

Match the reflexive pronoun to the subject. I takes myself, we takes ourselves, and you takes yourself for one person or yourselves for several. They takes themselves for a group or a single person. Themself is also used with singular they; follow the person's pronouns and any applicable style guide rather than assuming every -selves form refers to several people.

You can practise this again in Relative pronouns: choose the right word and make or made: choose the right form.

Check the verb's meaning and pattern before adding a reflexive pronoun. 'I enjoyed at the party' and 'She introduced to the group' need an object for the intended meanings: enjoyed myself and introduced herself. But hurt, teach, and prepare also have uses without an object. A missing object does not automatically require a reflexive; first decide what you want the verb to mean.

Many European and Latin American languages attach reflexive pronouns to everyday personal care routines like washing, dressing, and shaving. In English, these actions are already understood as being performed on oneself. Native speakers say 'I washed and shaved before work' rather than 'I washed myself and shaved myself'. You should only add a reflexive pronoun to these verbs when you want to emphasize unusual effort, physical rehabilitation, or independence.

A frequent error in professional emails occurs when speakers use myself in compound phrases to sound polite or sophisticated. Sentences like 'Please email John or myself' or 'Myself and Clara will lead the meeting' are grammatically incorrect. Myself cannot act as a subject, nor can it serve as an object unless I is the subject of the same clause. To choose the correct pronoun, remove the other person and check what sounds natural.

Adding the preposition by before a reflexive pronoun creates an idiomatic meaning of alone or without assistance. There is a clear functional distinction between 'She built the cabinet herself', which emphasizes personal effort, and 'She lived by herself', which means she lived alone without housemates. When listening or speaking, notice whether the preposition by is present. Without by, the pronoun simply identifies the recipient of the verb's action or adds direct emphasis.

For ordinary feelings or movements, you often use feel, relax, worry, remember, sit down, and stand up without a reflexive pronoun. 'I feel myself nervous' is not the usual way to say how you feel. 'Please relax yourself' is possible in some contexts, though relax alone is usually more natural. These verbs can take reflexives in other constructions, so check the whole phrase.

In fast conversational speech, native English speakers often reduce the initial sounds of reflexive pronouns, particularly himself and herself. The initial /h/ sound frequently drops after a consonant, causing himself to sound like /ɪmˈsɛlf/ and herself to sound like /ərˈsɛlf/. Because the primary syllable stress falls on the second syllable -self, learners should focus their ears on that stressed syllable rather than listening for a clear /h/ sound at the start.